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When I look back today, I can clearly say that my midlife crisis was the best thing that happened to me. Shaken by a severe crisis in the year 2004, I have drastically changed my life which brought me much closer to myself and to happiness. My crisis was only the beginning of an ongoing process of personal development, learning, looking inside and growing.
I started intensively to work on myself and on a deeper connection to my spirituality, when I was 35 years old. At that time I had no idea, how much strength that would give me later in my life.
My crisis started, when I was exactly 40 years old, and several issues added up to each other. I was worn down, driven by what people usually call “success”. I was worn down through years of being overloaded with work and later partly with tasks that clearly exceeded my capabilities. But in the company that I partly owned, I was the only one daring and capable to do these tasks. Then there was my business partner, confronting me with some unacceptable behaviours, as well as some unsolved issues from my own childhood.
In spring 2004 I was on a business trip in New York City, negotiating about the sale of our US subsidiary company. I was worn down from endless negotiations, from travelling back and forth between Germany and the US. My strength was slowly fading. Then, after the longest negotiation I ever had in my life, I woke up in my hotel room at 03:00 in the morning, and I asked myself: “Peter, what the heck are you doing here?” Is this the life that you want to live? The answer came very clear: No!
Still, I did not take action immediately, but in August 2004, my partner started debating about a minor issue, which he made up in his own mind. That was the drop that spilled the cup. That day I decided to leave both, my business partner and the company. That’s what I did.
Luckily, 2004 was the year, where I got my first native American hand drum and used it a lot. These drumming sessions were the provider of my strength. Drumming had an incredible impact on me and my wellbeing. What I do is a shamanic way of drumming, which is long periods of monotone constant beats, that feels in perfect alignment with my heart.
After my ex-wife left me in 2006, I was drifting a bit. I was devasted, having to leave my crying kids after the weekends. It was the hardest thing I ever experienced, seeing them suffer. I survived by using my drum and by spending 1 – 2 hours in the forest, every single day. It’s the forest, where I feel home. That’s where I feel safe. That’s where I feel connected. That’s where I found my true self. It was a long and painful process, but I came out strong and well connected to myself.
I went to seminars, learned more about life, learned more about spirituality and I learned some sacred songs that I could sing, while I was drumming. I learned, that we are in perfect balance, when the spiritual, the emotional, the intellectual and the physical parts in us are all equally integrated into our lives.
In all my crisis I was hungry for talks and exchange with kind and understanding people and at the same time I was hungry for being alone in the nature. So that was what I was going for, the talks and the nature, and that’s what I still enjoy a lot. In my crisis, I even tried a psychologist, but that was not working for me.
The people I connected to over the years supported me so much. These were mostly people who had already experienced such a crisis. It was not easy finding such people, as many are not talking about a topic like this, about crises and hardships. That’s when I had the idea to make it easier for people to connect, to open up and to grow together. That’s where the idea for Midlife-Chance was born.
Today I live quite balanced, all based on my inner peace, that I found by living a life that matches my true path, my higher self. And now, the process of growing is continuously going on and I enjoy it.
I truly hope that this will inspire you to start your own personal journey or supports you to continue on your journey. It is so much worth it.